Attention Employee: Office Holiday Party

An email that went out to my business "associates."

In the spirit of the holidays and because everyone else we know has office/company christmas parties, I've decided to make my own. I know you guys, my fellow freelancers, actor's assistants, writers, "entrepreneurs" and unemployed friends, will appreciate this one.

Begin forwarded message:

Please join me at my office holiday party. Celebrating the season's festivities and a toast to the employee of the year, AVB. The party will take place starting on Monday, December 17th during office hours: 11 pm - 3 am extending through Christmas and into the New Year. During the party, I will be revealing my secret santa, a refreshment will be served and don't be surprised if karaoke makes its way into the festivities! Dress code is business casual (read: flannel pajamas and old camp tee shirts). Please be on your best behavior as a photographer (me with a camera) will be documenting the event and photos will be available for purchase. 

Please note that due to recent cutbacks and a flagging economy, the annual holiday bonus will not be given this year. Instead a "donation" has been made in AVB's name to the Human Fund, funding humans where they need it most.

Please RSVP to AVB in the HR department.

Happy Holidays!

AVB
President, Founder, sole proprietor, etc. etc.



Dictated, but not read.